Decision paralysis: why it happens and how to overcome it.

Photo courtesy of Heather Nan

In my 20+ years working with brides to find their perfect wedding gown, one thing has always held true. “How do I decide?”

The quintessential question that every single bride to be faces. Through the years brides have always had the challenge of deciding on which gown is the One. Now, if you follow me here and read my posts like the true loyal fan you are, you’ll know I talk a lot about how gown shopping has changed through the years. The overwhelming social media darkhole we all get sucked into, and of course the challenge to be overly excited when you’ve seen everything repeatedly due to oversaturation in the market.

Here's the thing, Decision paralysis( or rather Analysis paralysis)  is real. And no matter how much we blame social media, or the industry or even the high volume of bridal gowns in every store you go in you’re still going to feel it. It’s going to creep right up in your cute little brain and confuse the $#*! out of you.

So why do we feel decision paralysis? How do we overcome it? What’s the cause of this awful crippling feeling. Ok, maybe that last statement is a bit dramatic. But, that’s how it feels, right? When you’re already planning a wedding and having to make decisions on every little detail, you can feel like you’re trapped. Frozen. Even paralyzed?

When it comes to searching for the perfect gown, the options are endless. We want to see everything, we get so excited to try on these beautiful gowns and feel like a princess. It’s so fun and exciting, as it should be!  The challenge comes when we can’t decide. We become overwhelmed with options and our loved ones opinions and the latest hottest trends lighting up your screens based on your algorithms.

How do I decide on the one gown that is supposed to define the next stage of my life? That’s what we feel. The pressure of this gown meaning everything to everyone.

When I started working in this industry the feelings my brides felt were always there.  There was always the fear of saying yes. The risk of missing out on something better. It’s an old time dilemma that stylists/store owners and brides alike have faced.

But, over the years I’ve seen it evolve a bit more. I’ve seen brides become more afraid to decide. More anxious to end the gown search. Of course, we see brides everyday walking down the aisle in beautiful gowns, so it’s not like they can’t decide. I mean they all end up with the gown they love. But, it’s how they got to there? How did they feel during that time? What was the experience they had or gave themselves?

Analysis Paralyisis has consumed this new generation of brides greater than any other generation I’ve worked with before. They are frozen with decisions, afraid of making the choice. Unclear of their own voice, style or vision. Here’s the thing, the generation of couples getting married now experienced something generations past didn’t. A global pandemic. Their world was shut down during a time when you begin to spread your wings. Explore college, Big social events like Prom, Starting your first job(in an office). It all was put on hold. Life froze. They became anxious, scared of the unknown and what kind of future were they going to have. We all experienced a shitty time in our own way, but not the way Gen Z did. They were sheltered in a way that I feel caused a lot of doubt and skepticism in their ability to decide for themselves.

The only outlet they had were their devices. Social media and scrolling endlessly to find a connection with the outside world.

Now, 5 years later and they are building their lives. Connecting with the world, finding love and getting married. Brides are now facing big decisions and feeling overwhelmed. There’s more pressure that weighs on making the right choice. But who’s adding this pressure? I see it as self-induced. Internalized stress, pressure, and fear of deciding on a gown because it’s all too much.

Brides now want to see everything, evaluate their options, weigh in on the opinions of others, and discover what’s on trend through the wonders of Instagram & tik tok. Does this all add to the already challenging task of saying “yes to the dress”?

It’s all too much and I empathize with them. Brides shopping now, are skewed with what their vision is for themselves. I’ve witnessed brides feeling completely confused and frozen. They walk away enjoying the process, having great options to reflect on and then poof. Nothing. I had a recent experience working with a high profile client (let’s just say, she is celebrity status as I can only share that much). She is lovely, stunningly beautiful and the sweetest human I’ve ever met. She loved everything she tried on and was open to my suggestions and ideas. She was excited and saw the vision we painted for her. All of this to say, when we had our follow up call to review everything she was stuck! She couldn’t decide. Did she need more time? Were the options presented to her not right? No, she said it best. I’m suffering from analysis paralysis. I can’t decide. If a high-profile celeb is facing this, can you imagine how other brides feel?

So, here’s the real question. How do you overcome it? How can you feel confident and ready to say yes to the right dress and move on?

I’m here to give you some professional insight and tools to help.  Some of it may sound obvious or even a bit cheesy, but just indulge me and discover what timeless wisdom I can bestow upon you.

1.     Book your key Vendors:

First off, when starting your gown search be sure to have the big ticket items locked in. Your venue &wedding date florist and even photographer. The venue & time of year will give you some inspiration and direction on what your bridal style can be. Use the venue and how you describe it to inspire the same words you’d like to use when describing your gown. Find your photographer. Now, this isn’t something that is a must before gown shopping, but sometimes choosing your photographer says a lot about your personal style. Are you choosing a photographer that is more classic with their images and traditional? Or do you like a photographer with a photojournalistic style. These qualities in how you’d like to capture your wedding day will allow you to understand a little bit more about the gown you want photographed. A photographer whose portfolio showcases a lot of action images and stunning movement in the gown may help you realize you want a gown that is less structured. Or if you love the formal way they shoot the details and capture images with a traditional aesthetic maybe you gravitate towards more clean and structured gowns. You want to work with vendors who understand your style, so use them to inspire your wedding look.

2.     Do your research: and I don’t mean just on Tik Tok.

Tik Tok and Instagram are the way we get our information these days. Use them to discover looks/designers & trends. But in addition to that, research what bridal boutiques or designer showrooms carry the aesthetic you’re looking for. Get on a call before you book appointments and find out their price points, how they work and what their timeline for ordering a gown is. Get yourself knowledgeable by the real pros in the bizz. Share with them, what you’re challenges are or obstacles are. Or what you’re vision is and if they carry gowns that align with that. Be open to letting the experts who work with these gowns everyday guide you to be sure you are utilizing your resources and not wasting your time with gowns that don’t fit your vision. By the time you’ve booked your appointments, you’ve already had a detailed conversation with your stylist and they are familiar with you and how you think. This helps build trust and confidence with someone who understands you. It helps in feeling comfortable when figuring out your personal style and what works. You’ll feel taken care of and building a relationship with your stylist gives you the power to feel secure in deciding.

3.     Don’t make this a girls trip.

Bring your key players to the appointments. Of course, mom and sisters are the first on the list, but keep it small. If there is someone else that is an important influence in your decision making, bring them, but keep it personal and intimate. You don’t need to bring all your bridesmaids or extend the invite because you want this to be a fun experience. All that does is overwhelm the entire process. You’ll feel excited to share in the moment, and trust me when I say this, you’ll be quickly deflated once someone in the group doesn’t love what you love. It’s a sad and hard thing to watch. Have at most 2-3 guests join you. Be clear of your intentions for each appointment and how you’d like them to be a part of the experience. The stress of trying to please everyone while you are still not sure of what you love can add to the paralysis part.

4.     Don’t be afraid to speak up.

 You’re not hurting anyone’s feelings if you don’t like the dress you have on. The stylists on hand didn’t design it. And even though your mother loves you in ballgowns, if that’s not your vibe just say so. Be vocal. Share what’s not working. Express what you don’t like or do like on the gowns you’re trying on. Your stylist can only do her best work with the information you give her. The more you speak up the closer you’ll get to finding the right gown and feeling amazing in it.

photo courtesy of Photos by Nato

5.     Take your time to decide…but not too much time

It’s ok to say you need to think about it. It’s also ok to say, I love it but it’s not the one. But, when you do find a few options that feel right to you, give yourself the time to review and think about which is the right one. Remember, you only get to wear one gown and the gowns that didn’t make the cut no one will know ever existed. That’s the beauty of this process. Your choice is yours and yours alone. No one will ever compare the gown since they only see it on the wedding day. Well, everyone except the people you brought with you to the appointments. Don’t over complicate the process. Narrow it down to your top three best and go from there. List them from 1 – 3. And the one that falls in third place gets cut. Listen to your gut and your feelings. Go back to retry on your favorite. Give yourself permission to say I found the one!

Now, of course this is simply my guidance to help you navigate through this process. I want you to take what you want out of it. Try one or two of these tips, or maybe all of them. Whatever works, but don’t let feeling stuck stop you from feeling your ultimate best. Finding the gown is just part of a list of decisions you have to make. Keep it simple and fun. Remember, at the end of the day, you’ll always shine on your wedding day because you’re marrying the most amazing person who loves you!